Why does loosing weight have to be so hard? I mean, it wasnt that hard when I was gaining it!! I dont think I have really taken myself seriously on this journey just yet. I am not in anyway giving up. This is just the begining. But I know i'm not serious about it just yet. So what mentally is it going to take for me to be serious. To understand that this HAS to happen. I just dont know yet.
I want to convince myself that I am ready. But at the same time, I want to jump in the my car and head to mcdonalds and pretend that I never started this blog. I mean I doubt anyone has even read it, so who will actually know that I am working on this.....ME...thats the only person that should matter. Nobody ever likes being lied to or not told the complete truth, why would you put yourself through it? And honestly...I just wrote that and didn't even realize I need to be eating my own words (no pun intended) I guess I just thought that this time would be different. I mean it still can be, I may havent been too serious that last week but its been on my mind everyday. Thats a huge step right. And the fact that I have been 100% honest with this blog is another step. I havent lied in this blog either! So I have been honest with you guys in never never land out there, so why can't I be that way for myself.
I wish I could have started this by saying that tomorrow starts a new day and my new diet and exercise and all that jazz, but I have had so many first days and whats another. I dont know. I guess I have just lost faith in myself and I wish I could find it. Nobody else is going to have faith in me unless I instill it in my mind first.
Things weren't great today. And I cant promise they will be great tomorrow, but I can promise that I am not giving up on that dream. My dream is to be able to walk into a bridal shop and slip on a wedding gown and it actually fit me. My dream is to go to indiana beach and ride the rides again. I want to run around and laugh and play and have Juan's arms wrap around me. I want to walk into a store and buy something to wear.
Those are my dreams....
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