Why does loosing weight have to be so hard? I mean, it wasnt that hard when I was gaining it!! I dont think I have really taken myself seriously on this journey just yet. I am not in anyway giving up. This is just the begining. But I know i'm not serious about it just yet. So what mentally is it going to take for me to be serious. To understand that this HAS to happen. I just dont know yet.
I want to convince myself that I am ready. But at the same time, I want to jump in the my car and head to mcdonalds and pretend that I never started this blog. I mean I doubt anyone has even read it, so who will actually know that I am working on this.....ME...thats the only person that should matter. Nobody ever likes being lied to or not told the complete truth, why would you put yourself through it? And honestly...I just wrote that and didn't even realize I need to be eating my own words (no pun intended) I guess I just thought that this time would be different. I mean it still can be, I may havent been too serious that last week but its been on my mind everyday. Thats a huge step right. And the fact that I have been 100% honest with this blog is another step. I havent lied in this blog either! So I have been honest with you guys in never never land out there, so why can't I be that way for myself.
I wish I could have started this by saying that tomorrow starts a new day and my new diet and exercise and all that jazz, but I have had so many first days and whats another. I dont know. I guess I have just lost faith in myself and I wish I could find it. Nobody else is going to have faith in me unless I instill it in my mind first.
Things weren't great today. And I cant promise they will be great tomorrow, but I can promise that I am not giving up on that dream. My dream is to be able to walk into a bridal shop and slip on a wedding gown and it actually fit me. My dream is to go to indiana beach and ride the rides again. I want to run around and laugh and play and have Juan's arms wrap around me. I want to walk into a store and buy something to wear.
Those are my dreams....
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Day 5,6,7 - FAIL!
I have been thinking about this post for a day now. I really wanted to come back on here and be like, I ate a salad every meal and after my salad I ran 10 miles to go get fruit and yogurt. NOPE! This did NOT happen like that this weekend. I honestly just did my own thing this weekend. I spent most of Saturday helping my mom clean and prepare for the fireman dinner. I got a reprive for going to that so I could spend some time with Juan before he started third shift Sunday night. So my movement and eating on Saturday was great. I worked up a sweat and stayed away from the bad stuff....
Then Sunday rolled around. I mean I guess it would be okay if I could justify eating breakfast out Sunday morning and then taking Arbys to my best friend because I know she hadn't eaten for the day and was unpacking at her new place. BUT, I can't. Its just a lack of will power. Something I have got to find, grab it by the balls and say I GOT THIS! I will, the key right now, is to not lose hope or sight of what I am actually trying to do.
I guess the only plus to my weekend is I managed to only have 1 pop. It was a mt dew and it was on the larger side, but coming from a person that can knock out a case in a weekend, thats pretty good.
Im going to keep up on things this week. Today I brought a salad, corn and a small piece of chicken for lunch to work. I cant complain about that.
Goals for tomorrow: MOVE! - Sweat!!!
P.S. - I really thought long and hard about this post. I really didn't want to get on here and say that I failed. But I promised myself in the first entry that I would be honest. And I honestly did not look like I was on a diet. But, these things are tough and hard...I can do it.
Then Sunday rolled around. I mean I guess it would be okay if I could justify eating breakfast out Sunday morning and then taking Arbys to my best friend because I know she hadn't eaten for the day and was unpacking at her new place. BUT, I can't. Its just a lack of will power. Something I have got to find, grab it by the balls and say I GOT THIS! I will, the key right now, is to not lose hope or sight of what I am actually trying to do.
I guess the only plus to my weekend is I managed to only have 1 pop. It was a mt dew and it was on the larger side, but coming from a person that can knock out a case in a weekend, thats pretty good.
Im going to keep up on things this week. Today I brought a salad, corn and a small piece of chicken for lunch to work. I cant complain about that.
Goals for tomorrow: MOVE! - Sweat!!!
P.S. - I really thought long and hard about this post. I really didn't want to get on here and say that I failed. But I promised myself in the first entry that I would be honest. And I honestly did not look like I was on a diet. But, these things are tough and hard...I can do it.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Day 4 - The sun will always shine
There is always sun after the storm. Yesterday was just an overall bad day. Even after I wrote yesterday's post, I got home and found out some news about the progress for chemo and radiation for a friend of mine. I'm just keeping her in my prayers.
Today has been so much better mentally. Physically even. I have been bouncing all over the place today which is a good thing. That is movement and I have been sweating. This may seem gross but everytime I sweat, I just picture fat just melting off. My tiny goal for today is to keep my heart rate up.
For food, I had two pieces of whole wheat toast for breakfast and lunch had a YUMMY salad with tiny cucumbers. With that I had a side of tuna. I dont think my eating was that bad today. But the real challange is this weekend. We have the firemans dinner for my dad and they are cooking an amazing spread!
Wish me luck!!
I haven't figure out how I am going to go about the weekends since I am not really an internet person because that is my only time with Juan. SO, I will probably have huge posts on Mondays.
Have a wonderful weekend!!
Today has been so much better mentally. Physically even. I have been bouncing all over the place today which is a good thing. That is movement and I have been sweating. This may seem gross but everytime I sweat, I just picture fat just melting off. My tiny goal for today is to keep my heart rate up.
For food, I had two pieces of whole wheat toast for breakfast and lunch had a YUMMY salad with tiny cucumbers. With that I had a side of tuna. I dont think my eating was that bad today. But the real challange is this weekend. We have the firemans dinner for my dad and they are cooking an amazing spread!
Wish me luck!!
I haven't figure out how I am going to go about the weekends since I am not really an internet person because that is my only time with Juan. SO, I will probably have huge posts on Mondays.
Have a wonderful weekend!!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Day 3 - I will overcome
Today really hasn't been the best day I have ever had. I am emotionally struggling with today. I have broke down a couple times today. My emotions are crazy right now. I know myself well enough to know where I am pushing my limit mentally. And I can feel that right now. I feel like every muscle in my body is tense and I am on edge. I think I need to go on a walk and clear my head and think and pray. Speaking of walking....
My exercise today was slim to none. I didnt do much. I had one of the worst nights sleep in a really long time. A year ago I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and I wear a cpap machine to bed every night. If it leaks during the night at some time it really throws off my entire night of sleep. Thats exactly what happened last night. When I dont get enough sleep, I can fall asleep at the drop of a dime. This is no joke. I can be in mid sentence and start snoring. Its so important that I get better sleep. The fun/terrible part of my cpap is that it tells me exactly how long I slept the night before. I checked it before I went to work and I slept a total of 5.6 hours. That may seem like alot but if I dont wear my cpap properly, I stop breathing 15+ times an hour. That is a VERY scary thing. So enough about the cpap, back to the exercise. I didn't do so well today. I've just kind of kept to myself. I might have felt a little better if I had but it just wasn't in the cards in my head today.
I kind of broke a rule that I had been super proud of today. I had a can of diet coke. I know one isn't going to do a ton of damage but I was hoping I could have gone a couple weeks without ever having one. Oh well, things happen. As for portion control and what I had to eat, I ate again, the same small bowl of cereal for breakfast and had a left over hamburger for lunch. For a snack (this might sound gross) I had a cold leftover hamburger. No bun, no ketchup, nothing, just a plain ole cold hamburger. It was yummy!
I am going to continue on with the goals tomorrow but the rest of the day, I was to make sure that I can get my happy back today and focus on me and RELAX. I'm working on it...
Till tomorrow.....
My exercise today was slim to none. I didnt do much. I had one of the worst nights sleep in a really long time. A year ago I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and I wear a cpap machine to bed every night. If it leaks during the night at some time it really throws off my entire night of sleep. Thats exactly what happened last night. When I dont get enough sleep, I can fall asleep at the drop of a dime. This is no joke. I can be in mid sentence and start snoring. Its so important that I get better sleep. The fun/terrible part of my cpap is that it tells me exactly how long I slept the night before. I checked it before I went to work and I slept a total of 5.6 hours. That may seem like alot but if I dont wear my cpap properly, I stop breathing 15+ times an hour. That is a VERY scary thing. So enough about the cpap, back to the exercise. I didn't do so well today. I've just kind of kept to myself. I might have felt a little better if I had but it just wasn't in the cards in my head today.
I kind of broke a rule that I had been super proud of today. I had a can of diet coke. I know one isn't going to do a ton of damage but I was hoping I could have gone a couple weeks without ever having one. Oh well, things happen. As for portion control and what I had to eat, I ate again, the same small bowl of cereal for breakfast and had a left over hamburger for lunch. For a snack (this might sound gross) I had a cold leftover hamburger. No bun, no ketchup, nothing, just a plain ole cold hamburger. It was yummy!
I am going to continue on with the goals tomorrow but the rest of the day, I was to make sure that I can get my happy back today and focus on me and RELAX. I'm working on it...
Till tomorrow.....
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Day 2 - Pools & Fire Drills
Day two has been slightly sucessful. I started working on portion control today and have made it through another day without pop. I'm fairly happy with these things. My goal for today was go on a walk and start on biggest loser wii.
The thing about me, is I can't really plan for much. Today took a much different turn. Our family has been in dire need of a new pool liner. Its already June 6th and HOT out. We dubbed today the day to change it. Who knew how much work it really was. My arms are no doubt going to be sore tomorrow from the lifting of sand and the 90lb liner and even my aunt a time or two. But it was nice to get some work and sunshine in. I actually enjoyed it.
As for meals thus far today, I had a cup and a half of cereal this morning. Yes, it was a sugary cereal but I said I was more concered about portion control than what I was actually eating. At lunch, I didnt do so great. I had a hamburger and a hot dog. I am a sucker for things on the gril. But, while everyone was piling on the potatoe chips, I did not. My snack for the day was a small dish of salsa and about 10 tortilla chips. Chips and Salsa has got to be one of my most favorite snacks of all time.
The only thing I dont care for at my job is that it is a sit down job. Exercise is very limited here. BUT by the grace of God....we had a fire drill!! I got to be one of the lucky people to walk around the entire building. It may not seem like a lot but now that I think back it it, it was about a good 10 minute power walk. By the time I made it to where I needed to be, it was time to turn around. I did take a short cut back through the plant only because I was actually working on something before the fire drill.
Its been a pretty good day two. My energy level is up but I think thats because I am truly happy.
Goals for tomorrow: Maintin working on portion control
Get MORE exercise in
The thing about me, is I can't really plan for much. Today took a much different turn. Our family has been in dire need of a new pool liner. Its already June 6th and HOT out. We dubbed today the day to change it. Who knew how much work it really was. My arms are no doubt going to be sore tomorrow from the lifting of sand and the 90lb liner and even my aunt a time or two. But it was nice to get some work and sunshine in. I actually enjoyed it.
As for meals thus far today, I had a cup and a half of cereal this morning. Yes, it was a sugary cereal but I said I was more concered about portion control than what I was actually eating. At lunch, I didnt do so great. I had a hamburger and a hot dog. I am a sucker for things on the gril. But, while everyone was piling on the potatoe chips, I did not. My snack for the day was a small dish of salsa and about 10 tortilla chips. Chips and Salsa has got to be one of my most favorite snacks of all time.
The only thing I dont care for at my job is that it is a sit down job. Exercise is very limited here. BUT by the grace of God....we had a fire drill!! I got to be one of the lucky people to walk around the entire building. It may not seem like a lot but now that I think back it it, it was about a good 10 minute power walk. By the time I made it to where I needed to be, it was time to turn around. I did take a short cut back through the plant only because I was actually working on something before the fire drill.
Its been a pretty good day two. My energy level is up but I think thats because I am truly happy.
Goals for tomorrow: Maintin working on portion control
Get MORE exercise in
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Day One
So, let me tell you, this gorgeous body has been 25 years in the making. Kidding, kidding, you can't really think that I am happy with the way I look. I keep thinking to myself my day is going to come. I am finally going to get to the point where I can't stand it anymore and loose the weight. But that day hasn't shown up and I am scared that I am going to be one of those people who sit around and another 20 years pass me by and another 100lbs get added on.
I want to be completely honest and real with this blog. I want to be able to tell the days that I have failed, the days I have been sucsessful and everything else in between. This is something that I have to commit to this time. I am not afraid to admit that if I don't nip this in the bud now, I could die a very young death. With the arrival of my first nephew weeks away, this scares me.
Not only am I doing a weightloss journey...again....Im going to take this time and blog to make this a mental, spiritual and emotional journey. There are alot of things in my life that need a little TLC and I plan on taking care of that.
I am going to take this day by day, step by step.
Today's goal was: Walk more than normally
Drink water...NO POP
As I write at 9:45pm, I am happy to say that I am officially on my 5th bottle of WATER. I have even made several laps around work today just trying to stay busy. Even if nobody ends up reading this....at least I have a place that I can talk about it.
Goal for tomorrow: Work on portion control
Go on a walk with Miss Tianna
Get my biggest loser wii game another go ( this game left me with dead weights for legs last week, funny, but I didn't exactly stretch before or after...EEP!)
Wish me luck!
I want to be completely honest and real with this blog. I want to be able to tell the days that I have failed, the days I have been sucsessful and everything else in between. This is something that I have to commit to this time. I am not afraid to admit that if I don't nip this in the bud now, I could die a very young death. With the arrival of my first nephew weeks away, this scares me.
Not only am I doing a weightloss journey...again....Im going to take this time and blog to make this a mental, spiritual and emotional journey. There are alot of things in my life that need a little TLC and I plan on taking care of that.
I am going to take this day by day, step by step.
Today's goal was: Walk more than normally
Drink water...NO POP
As I write at 9:45pm, I am happy to say that I am officially on my 5th bottle of WATER. I have even made several laps around work today just trying to stay busy. Even if nobody ends up reading this....at least I have a place that I can talk about it.
Goal for tomorrow: Work on portion control
Go on a walk with Miss Tianna
Get my biggest loser wii game another go ( this game left me with dead weights for legs last week, funny, but I didn't exactly stretch before or after...EEP!)
Wish me luck!
Here is the most recent picture of me. This was taken Saturday at Juan's nieces wedding. Something has to change......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)